You can rejoice with one and weep with another.
Is it weird that I crave my teeth to be cleaned at the dentist’s? They recommend having teeth cleaned more often when you are pregnant and here I am, behind! How in the world do you find a dentist who you can trust? One that doesn’t cause problems where there aren’t any and one who isn’t eager to drill and fill nonexistent cavities.
I find that moving to a city, where you know no one and no one knows you, can be an easy way to disappear. Without having a church family yet, without having any relatives or friends nearby, it’s easy to wander from place to place without a ‘face.’ Who are you, where you come from, what you do…your past…nothing really matters because no one knows. And really, if we stop posting photos and writing little experts, we can truly be unseen.
For who will actually ask for themselves? We are so used to just being ‘given.’ In our faces, whether we want it or not. Here ya go, blah! ‘Cause you must care, you must really want to know! We are trained as a society into humans who can’t converse anymore. We can’t pay attention. We don’t ask questions. We don’t concern ourselves. We already ‘know’ it all. It’s all out there. But it isn’t.
Honestly, we do it for ourselves. We post, we write, we comment to be visible, right?
Once in a while I look through my old blog posts. The ones I started on blogspot in April of 2010. And I’m glad I did. It’s a different kind of journaling, a method to remember. There are so many things I wish I could remember, and thought I would, just in the recent months which I’ve already forgotten! I regret not jotting down a note here and there, because one day holds so much, and life is so much more fast paced, that it is harder to ponder those moments without having a sort of ‘cue’ with words or a photo. So I take lots of photos and constantly have to upload to free space on my cell. Some would say, it’s a waste but I actually look back through them.
Today, this leaf reminded me of a life, withered. An aged person.
I like the word, wither. As if it has power to do that which it means.
Last night was a tough one. Hopefully, tonight will be a restful night.