“Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” If I ask myself, what should I do? I can look in the Bible and it tells me what to do.
***
I walk around, with concern in my heart. That’s just how it is.
This is where my heart is. As in, how I feel at this moment. I keep thinking how I never belong. The world can be a hard place to fit in.
Too Russian, too Americanized. Too old-fashioned, too modern. Not enough makeup, too much makeup. Too quiet, too loud. Laugh too much, don’t laugh enough. Too serious, too loose. Too conservative, too liberal. Too weak, too strong. Not smart enough, too smart. House is too clean, house is not clean enough. Not enough God, too much God. Not enough scripture, too much scripture. You see too much, you don’t see enough. You hear too much, you don’t hear enough. You know too much, you don’t know anything. You’re doing too much, you’re not doing enough. And the list keeps going on and on… And then it’s as if the world starts saying, do this and that. Do not do this. Do it this way, not that way. Say it like this. Don’t say anything. You should disappear. Don’t disappear. Stop. Don’t stop. Keep going. And you become a puppet. Pulled every which way. Never fitting in, not belonging anywhere. But. I know one place where I do belong. Always will. At the feet of Jesus. On my best day. On my worst day.
I decided to see what’s out there on being at the feet of Jesus and what does it look like. What does it really mean? In the bible, the passage from Luke 10:38-42 stands out -how Mary sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. I looked online, and what do I find but the most perfect sermon by Spurgeon, called, The One Thing Needful. I’ve seen plenty of quotes from him on Pinterest and all, heard him being quoted, but I’ve never actually read a whole sermon of his until now. From beginning to end. (Nerd alert) Also, thought it was neat that it was preached in October.
He addresses the busy (working one,) the lazy -lover of pleasure, the religious, the church, the ones to whom Christ is already the sole confidence -saints, the sinner, and backslider. He talks about the entanglements of this world, about revival, union, controversy, and missions. How perfect for today. How timely for myself! Times have not changed much, apparently. And after reading through, a couple times, and highlighting all my favorite little things, I decided that we are all the same. (nothing new) It already says so in Romans 3:10-12. All. The. Same. (That means me too!) And we all need to sit at the feet of Jesus as Spurgeon says so well. “It is needful now.”
So. Here’s a few of my favorite quotes I liked for myself from this sermon. (he mentions and refers in musical terms, and flowers, and water, and love…all those things that are so appealing to me.)
“We cannot know Christ while we resist Christ: we must be reconciled to his gentle sway, and confess that he is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
“We may do what the church tells us, and never do what Christ tells us, for these may be different things; and the church is not our Savior, but Christ.”
“Do I study the Word of God to learn the truth from him, and not accept it blindly and at second hand from my minister, or my parents, or the church of the nation, or the creed of my family?”
“It is weakness, sickness, sin, and sorrow for a believer to leave his Lord and become either his own leader or reliance.” “We are only safe while we remain humbly and gladly subservient to him.”
“We must, then, sit at his feet; it is absolutely necessary, and, without it, our whole life will be a complete failure; we may make money, but we shall lose our souls; we may gain honor, but shall have come short of the glory of God; we may enjoy pleasure, but we shall forfeit the pleasure which are at God’s right hand for evermore; we may have done our country some service, but to our God, and the higher country, we shall have rendered no service, for we cannot serve God if we will not obey Christ.”
“The wisest must become fools to learn of him, or fools they are; the most educated and cultured mind must submit to this further culture, or else it is nothing but a barren waste in his sight. One thing is a necessity to you all, high or low, rich or poor, queen or beggar – you must sit at Jesus’ feet; and alike must accept his teaching, or you know nothing that can save you.”
“Just now we need revival… But how can we get revival? We shall have it, brethren, when we commune with Christ. When the saints habitually sit at Jesus’ feet they will be revived, and of necessity the revival will spread from them, and the hearts of sinners will be touched.”
“There is great talk now-a-days of union; the walls of various churches are to be broken down, and the denominations are to be blended. Think not of it in such a fashion; the only union possible, or desirable, is that we all unite to sit at Jesus’ feet.”
I’m assuming this post will fall under, “too many quotes.” Sorry.
***
There was a moment earlier this year where I stood in shock, sick to my stomach, thinking, “God, you knew, you know all, and you let me say something that makes me look horrendous. Implicated! The worst of timings. Why would you let me do that?” He’s stopped me in other things, protected in other ways…so why not here? And then I realized, I am questioning the God of the universe, my God who holds all things in his hands! Why would I question God in this?! So I had to let it go, trusting and believing, that if God allowed, if he allows anything…there is a purpose for it! There always is. If it means to taint my image so be it. I become somewhat of an unwilling-willing person. I wouldn’t choose it on my own, but if it is to be, for something I didn’t quite even fully understand then, let it be. To me, I see sovereignty of God, over and over… I believe it with all my heart. He protects, he watches over, he knows… And I’m Ok with that.
***
Sometimes I want to have a pity party. When I need a real face to talk things through, who would see it from where I stand. That isn’t happening anytime soon. So I go right back to the feet of Jesus. To that loyal, all wise, all knowing God. A moment of self-pity goes away. Plus, there’s nothing like a Christmas movie and some new Christmas music in October, that won’t fail to make it a little bit better.
***
Back to the post ‘Words.’ Nothing has changed. I don’t have any human opponents. Not in my heart. Almost ten years ago, I heard the phrase from a bible study leader, that the ‘human’ is not the enemy. It changed how I looked at everything around me from then on. And if we pray for the person(s) our own hearts will change, and the situation may change.
And one more quote. Ha! Back to love.
“Let love permeate everything, and other virtues will grow out of it, as flowers spring from the soil.”
***
(If there’s a question of my “obedience.”
The answer is “I am free.”
In obedience of one thing, it exposes the next, which then leads to the next…it’s not me being dishonest, flaky, swaying any which way.
If I seek to do the will of God with all my heart and nothing of my own…that is what I will keep on seeking. God will be the one to convict, to show, to lead…
It’s like writing a blog post, at any given time now, is like choosing weather I want to drink a cup of tea or not. It’s just a cup of tea. Not of someone’s persuasion, this way or that…unless it’s God’s persuasion. Most people know their hearts enough to know if God is prodding them to do something. It is evident most of the time. Hopefully that makes sense. Also, I have great respect and do not wish to offend in any way. I just know the amount of limitations and boundaries I have…)
